Red Slippers

Yesterday, while running errands, I looked down and to my very big surprise I had forgotten to change my slippers and put on my shoes before leaving. I was in a rush before we left but it was not my intention to leave with house slippers on. It was quite funny to Leah and I, but I put me in a remembering sort of a mood. I just got these slippers this past weekend. They used to be Karen's. All day I was thinking about her. I also got a sewing machine and some sewing stuff, a few cooking magazines, an old spaghetti machine, some talks she had given and a letter sent to Al from some friends expressing their love to him and their love for Karen. I really never thought that these things would have so much meaning to me. The red slippers on my feet have reminded me so much of Karen. I miss her so much! I am sure that when I get to my sewing I will be thinking of her. However, most precious of all are her talks. I never heard her speak in public or bare her testimony of the gospel, which she loved. As I read her talks and learned more about her love for the gospel and how she was converted my soul was filled with joy. I hadn't realized, even to this day, how much we had in common.

As I reflected on the spiritual part of her passing I put my hand in my winter coat, which has not been used since last cold weather, and found a hand out from a lesson given in Young Women by "cutsie" Sarah. She taught about the Spirit. The handout was to help us discern if we had the Spirit within us or not. As I read the list under "When you have the Spirit" it said:

• You feel happy and calm
• You feel full of light
• Your bosom burns
• You feel generous
• No one can offend you
• Your feel confident in everything you do
• You feel outgoing and anxious to be with others
• You are glad when others succeed
• You want to make others happy, you bring out the best in others
• You look forward to attending Church services
• You gladly and willingly perform Church services, you are anxious to magnify your calling
• You love to pray
• You want to keep all of the Lord's commandments
• There is no anger in your speech
• You are in control of your appetites and passions
• You are glad to be alive

I wish I could say I feel this way all the time, but I can't. However, Karen made me feel great. She had the Spirit with her.

The last time I saw Karen was Sunday before her surgery. We went over for a Sunday dinner. We had Tamales, Spanish Rice and a Black Bean Salad along with some salsa. It was a Mexican dinner and it was "delicioso". We laughed a lot. We looked at baby pictures of Karen and her family. While she got much deserved foot massage (from my mother). The picture above is the last picture I have of Karen, always in the background letting others shine. I miss her "shy twinkle in her eye and her willingness to help with her big hearted unconditional love", as her friends so perfectly put it in their letter to Al.

On one of her talks she spoke about fellowshipping. In it she says "I know we can make a difference in someone's life by the things we say and do. True fellowshipping has to be sincere and sustained. It can't be just to fulfill an assignment. In both cases I have talked about the effort to be a friend was and extended over a long period of time. I think this is what our Heavenly Father expects of us".

I truly feel in debt to Karen for making me feel so much as part of her family. We have gone over to Trevino's house several times since her passing and I must say her absence has been felt. As I wear her red slippers I am filled with memories of Karen and the great times we shared, including our Utah Gymnastics meets, manicures, IKEA trips, our phone conversations (which I miss the most) and even playing Guitar Hero on the Wii. I wish so badly that I could just tell her one more time how much I love her and give her one last hug. It seems unreal that almost a month has gone by. It has felt like very long month with out her. Milli's middle name was also Karen's middle name, I think Milli has those same beautiful Karen eyes. I am so blessed to have had her in my life!