Remembering Karen....

Two years have passes since I lost one of my very best friends. I think of her every day and I miss her tons! I wish I could call her just to chit chat about whatever. I know I will see her again... but for now I miss her!

Happy Day to Karen!!!

Its Karen's B-day today! We miss her ... a lot! We think of her often and can't wait to see her again :) Wish we could give her just one hug or talk to her for just one minute or hear her laugh or see her sparkly blue eyes.

Miss you!!!!

(I wonder if she is with our little unborn baby... perhaps just wishful thinking... but maybe true. Still its nice to think of it in that way)

Remembering Karen

Today marks one year since we said "good bye" to Karen......

This picture was taken at the last family get together with Karen.

We miss her so much!!!!

As Dave and I talked about Karen last night I realized how blessed I was to have such an amazing mother-in-law. She was also such a great mother to her 8 children. I wonder if she is raising the little boy she lost at 8 months of pregnancy or if she is actively doing genealogy work on the other side of the veil as she did here.

I have constant reminders of sweet Karen. When I run I often listen to Josh Groban's "To Where You Are" song. Every time I hear it I think of Karen.

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory, so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday'
Cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are

She was always encouraging with my running. She would always ask me how my long runs had gone on Saturdays. I wish she would have seen me accomplish my marathon, even though she thought I was crazy for doing it :)

The short time I knew her I never understood why I made such an effort to see her almost weekly. And why we had formed such a bond. Now, I realize that I would cherish those moments with her forever!

She was such a great example of what a true friend is really like. She never forgot our birthdays, she would always change her recipes up to please us, she was a good listener, she was kind and always thoughtful.

Karen was not touchy feely kind of person and she never really said I love you to us. But, mother's day of 2008 (there was big fight, nothing more should be said about that day), she wrote Dave and I a letter. One we will always treasure and remember. In it she expressed her love to us. Later that day I called and we both cried on the phone knowing that we didn't like to see each other be hurt. She was so understanding and our bond grew closer than before.

She always showed interest in our kids (as any grandmother should). The kids all know grandma's signature phrase and we often repeat it at our house, "I suppose." It always made us smile. She was always so glad to see us come over for a visit. It was always so comforting to know we could come over unannounced and she would lend an ear, and listen to our latest gossip or gripe :)

We miss her tons! Words can't express the void in our hearts and in our lives. I know I will see Karen later, I know it!

..... We can't wait for that day!

Mother's Day

As Dave is out of town I thought Mother's day would be uneventful and very hard with three kids to get ready for church by myself, three kids to feed dinner to by myself, three kids to put to bed by my self and three kids that have no idea what mother's day really is... well I was slightly wrong about the hard part. The kids were so good.

We had a very busy day. On the Uboldi side, we had breakfast at Esteban and Amy's house. It was SO yummy. We had french toast, fruit salad, eggs, bacon, pastafrola and mate cocido. It was so nice to do something different and have such a nice time together to celebrate being a mom and having a great mother! My mom is always doing things for others before thinking of her needs. She is such a nice abuela to the kids and they love her (though they might not always show it). She is a great example to me as a mother and I wish I could be a bit more like her in her love and willingness to serve others without complaint. She always makes me feel like I am doing a good job as a mom and is always so encouraging with my goals. I know I can call her at any time of the day or night for anything. Once I called her cause my cell phone kept on ringing upstairs at 2 in the morning and I was afraid to get it by myself, Dave was out of town and she came over to rescue me... not too many mom's would put with that, but that's what makes her great, she is willing to do anything for me. She has been through a rough season in her life right now and her testimony and faith has shown me that with the Lord on your side we shoudn't fear. She is rock solid in her beliefs and that is a huge example to me. I don't know how she is able to do all she does. I am glad I can share my life and children with her.

On the Trevino side we got together after church got out for us. We hurried to go visit Karen's grave and bring a little bouquet of flowers before dinner. It was the first time I have been back since her passing. As I drove to the cemetery, I thought of how much I have missed her. Life hasn't been the same (I can't imagine how it must have been for her kids!). Even though she was quiet, I feel like she was the glue of the family. I miss her a lot. She wasn't the typical mother-in-law, she was a real friend to me. I wish I knew what she was doing right now. After last mother's day (2008) Karen wrote Dave and I a letter we will never forget. The feelings she expressed to us were so wonderful to hear. She was an amazing mother! Dave once told me "my mom never made soup from a can", to which I replied "yes, but she did make tuna-peach-potato chip-casserole"... jajaa, seriously, when you have 8 kids, appetizer, dinner and desert all in one dish sounds great :) I love her, I miss her but I look forward to our reunion some day. We had a great burger fry at Sarah and Dave's house, the company and food was wonderful.

When we got to the cemetery, Leah didn't want to get down (she was a little weirded out), someone had brought Karen a Coke and Al was drinking one for her :) Behind Al and Mylo there is a great view of Mt. Olympus which Karen loved to see... it was a nice experience.

I love my kids. I love that I am their mom. They make me happy. Even though, I wasn't pampered with a long morning snooze, breakfast in bed, flowers, a card and a long afternoon nap, it was all worth it when I tucked Leah in bed and she said "happy mother's day mamma, I love you!" I teared a bit. She knew what was sort of going on and it seriously made my day. I live for those kisses, hugs, smiles, fights, arguments and challenges that motherhood brings me. I would NEVER change it for anything. God has blessed me immensely, I can see that when I look at my three little monkeys.

GooOOOO Utes!!!

Tonight was the last Utah Gymnastics meet of the season. When we got there tonight there was about ten thousand red lights lighting the stadium, it was so cool. I have been thinking about how this season has been so different from seasons past. The first meet of the season was hard. I wasn't sure how it would be. Not having Karen to bump into during the fun music and getting her to give me that little grin was missed, riding the elevator down and up was missed and seeing Karen get excited about a great routine was missed as well. But, at the same time, every time we would sing the National Anthem I would get teary eyed thinking of (1) how blessed I am to live in this country (2) thinking of Karen and I at one of the Winter Olympics Medal ceremony, we were both balling like babies, it has new meaning to me.

Here are some things I have really enjoyed during the season (in no particular order):

1. The Utah Gymnasts are freaking amazing and I want to have a rock hard body just like them in the near future (far fetched idea/dream, I know but I can dream, right?)
2. I am competitive and I really enjoy a good competition.
3. I like the music and the beats and every time a good song comes on I would bump into Al in sync with the music (I am sure he loved it ;))
4. I have gotten to hang out with Al a ton and had some REALLY great laughs with him. He is hilarious and I just love him.
5. It has been fun to see the looks on people's faces when they see us together, I am sure they are thinking "WOW! Check out that old guy with that hottie. Man, he is one lucky guy!" [hahaaaaa "jokes man, jokes" (like Melissa would say)]
6. After (almost) each routine Al would tell me what he thought the score would be and he was almost right every time.
7. Candied Almonds.
8. Wearing RED proudly, along with everyone else. GOOOOO UTES!
9. Seeing Nastia Lukin, 2008 US Olympic Gymnast, about 4 feet away from me.
10. Getting some time away to do something I love doing.

This season has been fun to share with Al. I am looking forward to the next season.

Dreams

I think dreams are really cool. I love having a really vivid dream and then I think its real. I often wonder why we dream and what causes the dream to occur. Anyway, the other night I had a dream with Karen. We were in my car, the kids where being loud in the back, just like they always are, I was driving and Karen was in the passenger seat. I am not sure where we were going, but it felt so natural to be going somewhere. We were chatting and we looked at each other and just smiled and then I broke out in tears. I gave her a big hug (Karen is not a huggie person, but I know she liked the affection I showed her) and said "I have missed you SO much! I am so glad you are here!", she busted out crying in her quiet way and said "I have missed you too!" It was as though friends had been reunited. It was so wonderful to see her so happy. She still looked the same, but happier. She had a big smile on her face, like she was enjoying our little trip to where ever we were going. I woke up so happy in the morning. I miss her still, more than I can bear to express. I feel so blessed to have had a wonderful mother-in-law, that I could call my friend. Since her passing I have come to find out how much she loved me and that she too was greatful for my friendship. I see other people who take their mother-in-laws for granted, especially when they are willing to bend over backwards for them. We don't realize how good we have it until its gone. I am so glad I had the nine short years with Karen in my life. I loved her and still do. I miss her so much. Life doesn't seem the same anymore. Life is still good and I love it but its so different with her not in it like before. From her passing I have had the opportunity to become closer to my father-in-law and that has been a great blessing as well. All in all, I love dreaming, its like our brain is helping us live what we wish we could live, in a way... I thought it was really neat to have had Karen in my dreams again.

(Comnets are turned off)

Gifts for Grandma!

When talking to the kids about Karen's b-day and making our list of things we love, miss and remember about her Leah said "I know what we can give grandma for her birthday! We can send her balloons!" Great idea Leah. That is exactly what we did. It was so nice to celebrate Karen's b-day. Our last dinner together was a delicious dinner of Pork Tamales, Spanish Rice, Black Bean salad, Fresh Salsa... I just can't remember what we had for desert! I am sure it was something yummy. So, in her honor we ate tamales (not from scratch, I plan to learn how to make these soon). I made Spanish rice and bought that perfect salsa, it was oh so good. I was so tired and overwhelmed that I could not make myself make anything else. It was so delicious. I made a yellow cake and decorated it with Karen's name on it. (Karen used to always make a round cake for her kids and she would always put their name on it, so I thought I would do the same for her). Then we sent grandma our "gifts". It was fun to watch the kids be so excited to see their balloons fly up to heaven....

"One of the best ways to have heaven in your home, is to have someone you love in heaven"

My sister-in-law gave me a tile with this saying on it and I love it! Its true, our daily lives seem to have a different feel to them. We want to see grandma again, and we know we will. BUT we must do our part to make that wish/desire/hope come true. We had a great day! For now we keep her memory alive.

Happy B-day Karen!

About the picture: Taken at our yearly trip to SunValley this past July 2008. Karen and Al and 10 of their 11 grandchildren. This picture went out to many of Al and Karen's family and friends this past Christmas as his Christmas card. We (the kids) gave all this picture as a gift and the fun memories held in this picture are priceless an innumerable.

I started this blog February of 2008. I missed Karen's B-day and I have been looking forward to this day ever since. After her passing, I still looked forward to this day. Its finally hear and as usual, here are a few the things we love about Karen and remember about her.

1. Her Chicken Broccoli Casserole (oh, so yummy)
2. Her frugality
3. Her blue nightgown (when Dave was little)
4. Her presence at home (just knowing she was there)
5. Her concern for others
6. Her support with whatever we wanted to do
7. Her zeal for genealogy work
8. "Bring me the change" (when Dave was young)
9. Her fear of driving in the winter, even when the roads were not bad
10. Her raspberry jello (YUM!)
11. Her love for the gospel
12. Her blue eyes
13. Her sugar cookies
14. Making rolls with her on Thanksgiving and totally failing, we laughed about it.
15. She always showed interest in my running and was encouraging
16. Her friendship
17. Her quiet example
18. Giong to IKEA and getting meatballs or a little toy for one of the kids
19. Going to Gymnastics together
20. I remember bumping into her to the beat of the music at Gymnastics, then she would give me a smirk and say "oh stop"
21. Waddling with her to and from the car where ever we would go. We had to walk in sync and hope we would take each other down.
22. Going to eat was always fun. BUT going to Rodizio, a Brazilian Restaurant, was always so funny. She couldn't help but use every spanish word she knew and every time she did we would laugh.
23. Drving with her on the White Rim. When we had to make a tight curve or go up a scary hill she would say "Ah Chubankey". Loved her funny phrases.
24. She was 'crafty' and always made a birthsampler for all the grandkids. Treasured and displayed proudly in our home.
25. Knowing that I could call her at any time just to chat.

Some of what the kids remember

1. She always said "I suppose"
2. She made yummy cakes
3. The Oso's (bears) that she gave Leah
4. Going to Einstein with her
5. Going to IKEA and eating there
6. I remember her with Jesus (Mylo said this one)
7. Going to IKEA and getting a little Kitty (Mylo)
8. When she said "why are we whispering" (Karen, the kids and I were at her house and we were whispering for no reason and it was really funny... you had to be there)
9. She always let us borrow movies
10. When she got upset that Mishi got her ears peirced

We miss Karen, mom, grandma and friend. But we know that we will see her again. To celebrate her today, we are going to have cinnamon cake (one of her favorites that I made) and for dinner we were going to have our last meal we had with her BUT we decided to go to Training Table, one of her favorite places to eat. We are also going to send her balloons, this was Leah's idea and I think its a great one. She is still a huge part in our lives. Her example still is very influencial in our daily lives and it is the daily little things we miss most about her. We are fortunate to have known her and blessed to be part of her family along with Al's. She wasn't one to express herself very much but we know how much she loved us. May we meet again!

LOVE YOU & MISS YOU!!!